2024: Life is never-ending cycle of destruction and recreation.
In Jungian psychology, the ouroboros symbolizes the continuous cycle of self-destruction and self-regeneration. It represents the integration of opposites within the self, such as light and dark, leading to personal growth and wholeness.
Waaaaaaaaahhhhhh! 2024 has finally come to an end. Honestly, it wasn’t a great ride. At the start of the year, I had to make some big decisions without fully understanding the heavy consequences they would bring. Those choices felt like they led to my own undoing, leaving me feeling lost once more. They filled me with guilt for prioritizing my growth and made me sacrifice the small bits of happiness I had.
It was a messy unraveling of myself. The black dog came knocking at my door again, and I didn’t have the strength to turn it away. So, I let it in, treating it like a familiar companion. Days turned into months, and before I knew it, the black dog had completely taken over. It grew so much that it could no longer fit through the door.
Then, I started to see myself changing. Sad eyes, low energy, constant anxiety that no one would accept me, feeling like I didn’t belong, like I had to fight for my space all over again. It drained me so much that I couldn’t keep up with the things I used to love. I was so tired that staying in bed became my new routine, and shutting out my friends and loved ones became my new normal.
The weight of it all grew heavier, and I felt like the black dog was controlling me again. That’s when I realized it wouldn’t stop growing unless I took action to break free.
To get away from the black dog, I pushed myself to do something I don’t usually do — ask for help. Most of my friends know I hate relying on others. I prefer solving my problems quietly and only sharing once I’ve fixed them. But this time, it was different. It was suffocating me, and I knew I couldn’t handle it alone. So, I reached out for professional help.
At first, I was super reserved. I didn’t want to talk about how the black dog took over or how it became my master. But I realized that if I truly wanted to heal, I had to open up. I had to be vulnerable, even though it was hard. It was the only way to reclaim control and become the captain of my own life again.
Cut to — it ended up being the best decision I made this year. It wasn’t an overnight fix, but little by little, the weight on my chest started to lift. I got more active, started hanging out with friends, and catching up on what’s been going on in their lives.
I also started reading again. For months, so many of my books had just been sitting there, untouched. I might not read as fast as I used to, but I’m just glad to be flipping through pages again, just like I’m turning the pages of my life.
I also got back into being productive! I made sure to get out of bed as much as I could. I got more involved in work and started picking up my personal projects again. also treated myself to my favorite solo adventures — watching movies by myself, catching some theater plays, trying out new restaurants I’d been wanting to check out, and even taking little trips to nearby cities. It felt so good to get back to doing the things I love!
So, for 2025, I want to stay as positive as possible. I can still feel the black dog inside me, waiting for its chance to take control again, but I won’t let that happen this time. I just want to live in peace, free from negative emotions that consume me. I want to break free from the negativity that could lead to my self-destruction once more.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned this year is that life is a never-ending cycle of destruction and recreation. Just because you go through self-destruction doesn’t mean you can’t find your way back to who you were. In fact, it might just be the start of recreating yourself — coming back even stronger with more wisdom and clarity to take on life again. ❤